Sunday, September 22, 2019

Comment Wall

Jovi Tales!!!

My Dog Jovi!!!! (Personal Picture)


  1. Hi Ethan,

    I'm so excited to see where Jovi's adventures take him through your storybook. He's super cute and I love this story type idea. A few comments about your introduction. I'm a little confused about how Jovi's adventures will be starting and progressing. Will he be going through the stories of Hercules as the main character or going through his own newly made stories? I liked the introduction to Jovi and who he is! Kind of setting the scene of what kind of character he will be in the future stories to come. The layout of your website is easy to follow for new users! Something you could do for future stories is pictures of Jovi doing something the hero would be doing! Like standing on top of a rock, swimming in a lake, fighting a monster(in Jovi's case probably a toy or chasing a squirrel). I'm excited to see where this storybook will go!

  2. Hey Ethan!

    It is a very cute idea to have a pup for a protagonist. I love that he is named after Bon Jovi; they are also one of my favorite bands!

    I think you could really enhance the first paragraph by varying the sentence structure. Almost all of the sentences start with some variation of "Jovi is." While repetition can be a strategy employed to place emphasis, adding variation often makes descriptions richer and really helps your reader to visualize what you are describing.

    Be careful to proofread your work - there are several grammatical errors, including sentence fragments and verbs that do not match the nouns they describe (for example: when you are describing something plural you should use "are," not "is").

    It sounds like Jovi has quite a few adventures in store, and I am excited to see how his character develops as he faces each monster.The six-headed cat sounds particularly intriguing - such a foe seems like a dog's worst nightmare!

  3. Hi Ethan!

    I really liked how personal your are making you storybook. Based off of the introduction, I am assuming that Jovi is your dog. How precious! I think that it makes for more interesting stories when people write about something or someone that they have a close relationship with.

    In your introduction, I would have liked to learn/know more about the history of Hercules. Rather than only have one sentence that mentions Hercules, I think you should have a whole paragraph that talks about this Greek legend. This paragraph does not need to be super large, I just think that a paragraph would allow for the readers to have a greater understanding of what to expect during Jovi's story.

    While I was reading your introduction, I thought of a question about the storybook. Will Jovi be fighting in the same battles against the same people as Hercules did or does Jovi just share some of the same heroic characteristics that Hercules had?

    Overall, I look forward to reading your storybook!

  4. Your website formatting was a little confusing. I would rework your tabs, so the introduction is on the left, and “You got to be Cheetan’ me!” is on the right. (Left-Right is the direction English readers automatically read in)

    What is the setting for Jovi’s stories? In the beginning, you mention a fenced yard, which reminded me of modern days. But Jovi completes Herculean tasks. Alongside that, how did the boy know that Jovi would understand and complete his task?

    If the setting is fantastical, does Jovi have an extraordinary heritage? He’s compared to the demigod Hercules, so maybe Jovi could be descended from the underworld guard-dog Cerberus if you want to stick with the Greek comparison?

    How did those in Jovi’s home not believe in him?

    In the third paragraph, “Jovi cam upon the town was Ankeny.” is a confusing sentence. You might want to look again at the grammar here.

    I would change, “Jovi didn’t stop till the cheetah was no longer alive.” to “Jovi didn’t stop until the cheetah died.”

  5. Hi Ethan! First of all, I love the idea for your storybook. Using your personal dog as the protagonist of your story is such a fun idea and I bet it will make these stories all the more fun to write! I really liked that you were able to tell the tales of Heracles by using your dog. The details were just similar enough to where the reader can understand that that is the story you are conveying, but different enough to where it is your own! I, too, would've liked a little bit more insight into the history of the Heracles story in the introduction, just so that I as the reader had enough context and historical knowledge to interpret the story how I think you intended for it to be interpreted. Overall, I am excited to see the rest of your story! What will Jovi's next adventure be?

  6. Hi Ethan! First of all, I just want to say that I love your project theme! I am also a huge dog lover, so I really enjoyed it. I liked how you used a picture of a dog as your images because it shows what the mighty dog looks like. One thing I really enjoyed from your introduction is your wording. It was so fun to read because of your sense of humor and imagination. If I were to change anything, I would maybe try to use a different picture of that dog for the different stories. I think that it would be really cute to see a different pose or angle depending on what the story is about! Another thing I would fix is the layout of your stories. I think that it would be helpful if the introduction was the first tab, and then the story tabs followed them in the order.

  7. Hello,
    I love the look of your website! I think your dog looks so cute! I loved the introduction! I found it witty and I think you opened with a great pun. You gave the reader enough information to work on even if one is unfamiliar with Greek Mythology. I think there was also a lot of humor in it which helped easily carry me through the introduction. As for the story I have to say you did a really good job! I would say however maybe use some pronouns instead of Jovi. It sounded a bit like Jovi this, and Jovi that. I think referring to him as he or him would make it less…Jovi-ish. I loved the story and read it really quickly because I wanted to know what happened next to Jovi. I also wanted to make a little not on the order of the introduction and story in the bar on the top. Maybe put the introduction first then the story followed by the comment wall. These are all just suggestions. I think the wit and quality of your story are amazing. Keep up the fantastic work!!:)

  8. Hi Ethan!

    First of all I wanted to say that Jovi looks like such a great dog. Its awesome you have a dog special enough that you can write a storybook about them. Its really cool how personal and relevant your making your project.

    I think you are doing a nice, fun twist on the typical heroes journey. How much of these stories happened or are at least based on things that happened? Is Jovi really this adventurous in real life? Has he ever killed a cat?

    I think you did a great job of making the story your own becasue without the author's note I wouldn't have even known this was an adaptation of Hercules.

    I agree with what the person above me said. Its a story about Jovi so it feels like I hear Jovi a billion times. It gets very repetitive. Maybe you could use pronouns or switch up your narrative style a bit.

  9. Hi Ethan!

    This was my first time seeing your storybook. I love that you were able to take something from your personal life and use it as inspiration. I'm not gonna lie though, but you say "Jovi" a lot. I don't know if it's intentional to emphasize his importance, but it does stick out to me and I start only seeing "Jovi" and can't seem to focus on the story. I would suggest more use of pronouns. On the other hand, you have a very creative mind when it comes to your stories. You go into such great detail. I did notice that the link to your Hercules & Lion image at the bottom of the cheetah story is broken. Other than that, keep it up!

  10. Hi Ethan! Dude nice retelling of the Hydra story! I was shook when the cat had a bunch of heads. I only wish it were halloween again so I could get spooky. I also LOVE that you chose to tell these stories through the perspective of your dog. That literally made my night and is super funny thinking about the adventures of a dog slaying HERO. anyways, one thing that I was thinking is maybe you could fix the link at the bottom! That way people could read the original story toO!

    Have fun!

  11. Hello Ethan!
    First of all, I really enjoyed your storybook and the idea behind your stories. Jovi is honestly so cute and I can see why he would be a good inspiration behind creating new stories. I think some things you could do to better your pages would be to include more pictures of Jovi on each page. Maybe even getting pictures of Jovi as if he was doing something mentioned in one of your stories. I think that would be a really fun way to show some personality on your page and keep your readers involved. I think you have a really good storybook so far and I think adding a few photos would really take it to the next level. Overall, I have really enjoyed your work so far. The stories of Jovi are really interesting and fun to read!

  12. Hi Ethan!
    You had me at anything dog, or practically cute and fluffy related. Your introduction page did a fantastic job of introducing the protagonist of all your stories. I would consider moving this introduction tab to the far left, instead of the far right, which appeals to the fluidity of navigating your page. You used amazing character development, as you added human personality traits to this iconic dog. Your author's note did a great job describing your inspiration for each story. However, although it feels tedious, I would consider adding more details and summarization of the original stories. Also, I would add more paragraph breaks in your note. Maybe use a first paragraph to describe the original story. Use another paragraph to describe your inspiration and opinions of this original story, and then maybe proceed with another paragraph about your deviations and reasons of making these changes.
    Fantastic job! Your project really makes me want to meet this adorable dog.

  13. Hey Ethan!
    Like Shary said above, I was so excited to read your storybook as soon as I figured out it was about dogs. I loved opening your storybook page right to a giant picture of Jovi, I thought that was so cute! Not only was it cute, but it grabbed my attention and made me want to see what your book was all about. The introduction was very well-written. I also really liked the titles of your stories. I thought they were clever and eye-catching. One small thing that might be good to change would be the heading picture of each page. I like how it is consistent, but it could be fun to see different pictures of Jovi as the heading. My favorite story was You Gotta be Cheetan Me. Your writing was very clear and concise, and it kept my attention the entire time. Great job!

  14. Hey Ethan!
    I saved you for the last comments of the year. I think it was a great idea to have your dog be the protagonist. It helps us become more interested in the story, now that we know the main character is a dog. I like how all the “people” Jovi comes across are actually animals. I think that really lets us know that this is a version of Hercules that is totally different. Instead of focusing on human aspects and emotions, we are focusing on different animals and how they would have behaved if they had been the main characters. One thing that I might suggest is changing the banner images. If you could make each banner image something that relates to what the story is going to be about, I feel that we would have a little bit better understanding. Overall, I really enjoyed your stories and hope you have a great semester.

  15. Hi Ethan,

    Well, first off, what a cute dog! Now that that’s out of the way,…

    Making dog Hercules is a fun idea, a bit strange, but I like it! The one thing I feel is missing from this storybook is a greater focus on why Jovi is on this quest. What motivated Jovi? Who set these challenges and milestones. I like how you open your first story talking about how Jovi feels cloistered and limited, but I still would have appreciated spending a little more time on the motivations and setup.

    Just two stylistic/technical notes: when you have dialogue, it makes it much easier to read if you offset it onto its own line. Second — and maybe this was a concious stylistic choice — you refer to Jovi by name a lot, even though here and there you do use the direct pronoun (“he”). The text might flow easier if you use the pronouns a little more.


  16. Hello Ethan,

    I really enjoyed reading your stories! I thought it was really creative and clever to retell the stories of Hercules' trials using a dog as the main character. I thought all the villains you used were on point. I like how it began kind of realistically by slaying a cheetah, but then that lead to a six-headed house cat and giant squirrels with bronze tails and poisonous acorns. I tried to picture all the battles in my head and it was interesting when it got to the part of Jovi using a crossbow to take out the squirrels. The part where you said Jovi peed himself a little really made me laugh. I like how you made him seem more relate able and showed that he was scared too instead of being some unnatural super powerful super courageous dog. I wouldn't mind reading more stories about Jovi's journey. Great job and good luck with the rest of your semester!