There once was a king
that lived at home. He wasn't your usual king, but he was a king, nevertheless.
His name was Jimmy. Jimmy was a young and thriving 4th grader who loved to
play and just have fun. Jimmy was also a massive fan of toys and especially action
figures. Jimmy really wanted the new GI Joe action figures for his birthday,
but his family had been going through a rough patch and they did not have much
money to spend on toys. Jimmy was saddened by the fact that he couldn't get the
cool new action figures, but his parents did their best to surprise Jimmy with
another toy. Jimmy woke up one Saturday morning to find a bunch of tiny army
men standing all around his room. Jimmy couldn't believe what was going on in
his room! Jimmy was startled but also intrigued. He began to move around his room,
and he noticed something weird. The army men were turning and watching him move
throughout his room.
The army men continued
for a couple weeks and Jimmy didn't say anything about it. One morning, Jimmy
woke up and the army men were closer than they had ever been. Then, out of
nowhere, one spoke to Jimmy. "Hello Jimmy, or should I say King
Jimmy." said one of the army men. All of the army men then bowed in front
of Jimmy and now Jimmy knew the situation that he was. Jimmy began to strut
around the house as he was now a King to an infinite amount of army men in his
room. Jimmy began to get some ideas about using his army to get what he wants.
Jimmy saw the power he had with the army men and began to devise plan to attack
another "kingdom" known as his parents. Jimmy saw that if he conquers
the house, he can get whatever he wants. Jimmy began to devise a plan to use
his army men to train and build the skill to conquer the house. Every day after
school Jimmy would come home and begin his training for the army men. He would
also begin to do some test runs of his mission to make sure his army men knew
the exact plan, so it had zero chance of failing.
Finally, the day came. Jimmy woke up and was ready to take the house for himself. Jimmy got dressed and looked like he was the movie Rambo. He was ready for a long battle, and so was his army men. They were ready with all their training and tactics to take the house with ease. Jimmy stood up in front of his army and gave a small speech. "Today, we take this house for ourselves. We will not serve these people no more. It is our time to rise up and take what is ours!!!" The army men roared and got in formation. Everyone was in their spots and were ready to take on the house. As Jimmy open the door to begin the mission, he woke up. It was still that same Saturday in which the army men had appeared. There was no mission to take over the house and Jimmy just let out a sigh and headed down to the kitchen. He sat at bar, hugged is parents and ate waffles as he has done for the past 3 years.
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| A small fraction of Jimmy's Army https://images.app.goo.gl/TvgvJWScxgFn1fNh7 |
Author's Note: I used the plot structure of "The Dragon King". The Dragon King has a king that has large army that he controls. The Dragon King uses apes as the members of the army compared to my story where I used toy soldiers. The main character of "The Dragon King" begins to train his troops with weapons and other tactics for a battle that will ensue. Jimmy does the same as he begins to train his toys for a battle to takeover his household. The endings of each story go different directions. In "The Dragon King", the main character is in a bind as he has a plan to execute, but all begins to fall apart once he tries to set it in motion but the problem is with the weapons that his army is using and them being too light for the main character. Jimmy's story is ended before it even starts as it just a dream that the battle wants to take place in, but it never gets started and the plan is never put into action.
Hi Ethan! I think that this was an interesting idea for a story. I will say that the font color for the first part of the story pretty much blends into the background, and is very difficult to read. I would recommend updating this to a lighter color so that it is easier for people to access. For your story, I think taking the army from the original story and changing them to a group of action figures was really creative, while also staying true to the original work. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteHi Ethan!
ReplyDeleteI liked how imaginative your story was. I loved entering the realm of talking toys. My one suggestion is to work on punctuating dialogue correctly. I myself have struggled with this and found a really good article about it which I have included below if you want to check it out. Separating the story into more paragraphs and more interesting dialogue tags can do a lot to make your story even more interesting!
Article link:
https://thinkwritten.com/punctuating-dialogue/
Hello Ethan!
ReplyDeleteThe first part of the story was very difficult to read. I had to highlight the text to be able to distinguish the dark letters from the dark background. Other than that the story was pretty interesting! I wonder what he would have done had he actually fought and defeated his parents. It was a fun story to read! Great job and best of luck with the rest of your semester!